Coaching with Dr. Neal

Conflict Resolution for Lovers

A delightful friend of mine and fellow coach showed me this; it was too good to pass up and I share it with you now. Enjoy!


Working Through Conflict With Your Partner

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working through conflict

Four excellent ways for working through conflict in a relationship.

If you’ve been in a relationship for longer than six months, you know that it’s not always easy. Once the honeymoon phase begins to fade away, there are bound to be differences of opinion, and sometimes that results in a fight.

When it becomes difficult to get along with your partner, don’t immediately resort to abandoning the relationship. Remember that no relationship is perfect and differences are a natural part of growing together. Here are four ways to work through differences and conflict together as a couple.

#1. Use technology to revive your relationship

Become more unified in your relationship through technology. People often lose sight of technology as a tool to make life easier, complaining that it distracts us from social interaction. In some ways this might be true, but using your devices wisely can actually enhance your relationship and make you feel more connected to one another.

For example, use your mobile technology to create a shared calendar so you can plan date nights and stay up to date with your partner’s daily schedule. When you’re apart, make the extra effort to video chat with each other and talk face to face using a smartphone such as the LG G5 that features a high-quality, front-facing camera.

Use technology in creative ways to feel more connected to your partner rather than letting it be a distraction in your relationship.


#2. Try to understand your partner’s perspective

When we get into fights, we believe that we are right and that we’ve been wronged in some way. It’s important to remember that there are always two perspectives in a relationship and people look at situations in their own specific ways.

Next time you run into a difference or conflict in your relationship, think about how the other person might have felt and what they might have thought. By considering your partner’s perspective, you’ll find that you become more compassionate and willing to understand your partner rather than simply “winning” the argument.

#3. Communicate effectively

Once you’ve taken on your partner’s perspective, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation about how you both feel. Foster a safe environment for healthy communication by setting some ground rules.

For instance, let it be known that when one person is talking, the other person will genuinely listen and not interrupt. Don’t blame or attack the person as a whole; instead, criticize a specific behavior or situation that you were unhappy about. This way, the person will be able to separate the conflict from their personality, making it easier to bridge differences.

When you communicate, really listen to what the other person has to say instead of impatiently waiting for your turn to speak. Communication is about understanding one another, not simply making your point.


#4. Put love first

It may seem obvious, but remembering that you genuinely love your partner and are committed to them is important in dealing with differences. It’s likely that the differences that arise are not deal breakers, but are rather differences of opinion about the smaller things.


The next time you and your partner begin to fight about what to eat for dinner or whose turn it is to take out the trash, remember that in the large scope of things, these matters are not nearly as important as the love you have for one another.

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